You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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