all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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