dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize