you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
