I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
