i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
