I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's blow job season.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
