I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
