is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize