I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
