i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
