Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
