What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
