So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
