just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
