its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
