I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
