Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
