my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
