she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
