making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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