God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this just has baby written all over it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
