We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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