I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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