I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
