I cannot find my penis.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
