I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
