Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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