So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
