My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
