we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
