i think my tv is drunk
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I supernannyed him into submission
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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