Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize