Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
