what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
