I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
