Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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