My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
