Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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