his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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