I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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