Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
