How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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