you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
