Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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