She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
