dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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