I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
