Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
