We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
