I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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