His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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