I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
