This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
