Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
