dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
