Already got asked if we're dating
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
