is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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