no, he came in my armpit
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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