We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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