I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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