Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
