yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sext me about skeletons
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
