apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
