Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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