she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
