JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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