Need sex. Gaining weight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
