Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
