bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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