# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
