I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
